Watchmen

Watchmen is the brilliant, infuriating, dragging, stunning film adaption of the graphic novel (which is the fancy term for comic book) of the same name. Watchmen the graphic novel is considered to be one of the greatest pieces of literature in recent history. For those of you who don't speak nerd, comic books actually can be literature. I personally have never read Watchmen, so my review will not compare the film to the source material, as so many rabid fans have already been doing, I'm sure. I do know that Watchmen the graphic novel is deeply political, speculative, and aggressively thought-provoking. Archie & Jughead it is not. It is a complex and multi-layered piece that takes history and shakes it up like a snow globe, smashing one era into another and creating an alternate universe much like the one we are in with a few very strange tweaks. It is definitely a little weird. Can something that deep & complicated be made into a good movie? Yes. But can it be made into an enjoyable movie? Maybe not.

Watchmen opens with the murder of a former superhero named the Comedian, a cigar smoking sad sack in a filthy terry robe. The year is 1985. Nixon has been elected to his third term as president (I told you it was weird). Superheroes were once celebrities, hob-nobbing with the elite and appearing on magazine covers, but they have been banned by President Nixon in an attempt to end vigilante justice. The film is based around the Watchmen, the once-powerful group of masked avengers, and their lives after the ban, and how they resist, then succumb to, the urge to use their powers again. The world is under nuclear threat, and the Watchmen may be the world's only hope.

I could try to give a detailed outline of the plot, but I don't have that kind of time, and I'm sure there has to be some kind of word count limit on this blog. Beyond that, you would probably be kind of bored and very, very confused if I tried to summarize it. I don't know that I could summarize the plot, anyway. In fact, I know I couldn't. Many people were concerned about it being adapted into a film because it is so very unfilmable. Actually, the author of the graphic novel refuses to discuss the adaption, because he never wanted it to be adapted into a film. He didn't think it could be done. And he's pretty well right, I think. The visuals were as mind-blowing as expected with director Zack Snyder at the helm, best known for 300, which made blood soaked gore almost beautiful. Most of the performances were good, although I'm not a fan of Malin Ackerman as Silk Spectre/Laurie. She couldn't keep up with her more pedigreed costars, like Patrick Wilson & Carla Gugino. Not one person in the film could keep up with the chilling performance of former child actor turned Oscar nominee for Little Children in 2006, Jackie Earle Haley.

Haley plays former Watchmen member Rohrschach, a paranoid and psychotic heroic anti-hero with a constantly moving Rohrschach inkblot for a face. It's hard to imagine that he could get any creepier, but when his mask is removed and we see his real face & hear the story of how he became a violent vigilante, he's downright scary. What's even scarier is that you really want to root for him. This character could've been so mishandled, but Haley is perfect. He's like a mix between Danny Bonaduce and Clint Eastwood. Yes, I mean that as a compliment. He's got the eyes of an innocent child but a face of sheer menace. Haley is incredible.

I liked Watchmen. I thought it was a really good piece of filmmaking. Stunning visuals, (mostly) strong performances, wonderful use of music, the exploration of what it means to be ethical, the redefinition of superhero (the Comedian was the most vile superhero ever created, without question). It's not a popcorn movie, which I think many people will expect it to be. It is a long and complicated thematic film, not a movie to take the kids to see. Some people in the theater did bring their young children, which makes me wonder if people even bother to check the ratings, because it is definitely rated R. Big time. I was tempted to tap the people in front of me during one of the more graphic scenes and ask, "Is this really how you want your 5 year old to get their sex education?" The movie is violent and profane, with plenty of male and female nudity. I'm ashamed to admit that I was a little distracted by the completely blue and completely naked Dr. Manhattan . Hard not to be distracted by blue glowing genitalia, I don't care who you are. In other words, don't take your kids to see this. Just don't. That R rating really is there for a reason.

Although I liked Watchmen, I never want to watch it again. I know that sounds odd. It was a near great movie, but it was not in any way, shape, or form a FUN movie. I didn't enjoy it. There is one other movie that elicited that response from me, Requiem for A Dream. It was a brilliant and horrifying movie about drug addiction. It was quite possibly one of the best movies ever made, but it was the most miserable watching experience ever. I still cringe even thinking about it. I don't want to see Watchmen again, but for very different reasons. It was good, I'm glad I saw it, but I couldn't imagine sitting through three hours of it again. So who's watching the Watchmen? Well, me. But only once.